Relapsed again
It last four days this time. Started last Thursday and drank all through the weekend. This is the worst relapse I've suffered yet. Previously, I have not relapsed for more than one day.
Feeling pretty hopeless.
I've had to change my sobriety date six different times now. I'm trying to look on the bright side -- in the past five months I have drank less than 10 days. It used to be that I drank every single day, with very few exceptions.
But now that my beast has been "fed" again, now that it's gotten a taste, it is crying out for more booze.
I don't understand why I keep stringing together 30 days and then blowing it. I was almost at 90 days at once point, and I threw it all away. I'm starting to lose hope in the idea that I can be sober forever.
I want it...or maybe I don't, because I don't seem to be doing what's required to try to maintain it.