Yikes, your wife's actions are painfully familiar to me....I am SO guilty of the same things.
For me, it isn't detatchment - I can do that, and it resembles what everyone here says it is. In my house, what my ABF is experiencing from me is absolute anger and resentment. I love him, but I am friggin angry as hell at him. When she tells you she is working through a lot of anger - believe her. Her / my actions are abusive, unhealthy for all involved, and completely damaging to all involved.
I could go on and on about why my ABF "deserves" this pain and attitude from me - he can't / couldn't get better and fix us, let alone repair or even remember all of the misery his drinking has caused me. Feeling that way towards him is much easier than looking inward at why I chose a relationship with an active addict, why I stayed with an active addict, and why I skipped over unacceptable behavior for so long. I could guess that this is what your wife is grappling with, and if it is any consolation, she is probably even more angry at herself than she is at you. Somehow "payback" to you seems like the natural thing to do.
I'm not trying to excuse her behavior whatsoever - your original post cuts deep for me and maybe her issue is the same as mine. That behavior / my behavior is not ok.
She is doing the right things - shes honest about her anger - she is working a program. Have you tried marriage counseling with her since you have been sober, and since she is working a program?
Trying to consider what my ABF could do to help....maybe call me on it. I am a very logical / reasonable person. If he had some understanding as to why I am so angry, if he made ammends, and if he called me on my crap after that, I hope I would be more willing to work on that awful part of me to help save our future.
Good luck - and I'm sorry. If your wife is anything like me - she does not like being that person.