I actually thought "sexual addiction" was a good thing to talk about. Perhaps because I at one time thought I was sexual addicted to my ex.
It brought up a lot of things to me that once I thought about them, things fell into place for me.
When you are in an intimate relationship with someone who has BPD, in the beginning you see and feel intimacy. I think that's because of what you think you should be feeling, and you are feeling that the other person is feeling the same thing.
Further along, you begin to feel the intimacy lacking, I am not talking about sex here. I'm talking about other things, like a glance from across the room, a smile, a slight touch on your back, things that are really hard to explain. Things that make you feel special. It's all missing, and you don't know why, but you aren't feeling it. You're starting to feel cold and empty inside, and don't know why.
The only time you think you experience this intimacy, or lack of coldness, indifference, is during sex. Intimacy has been withheld from you for so long, that it almost gives you that feeling of your first kiss, you know where you feel butterflies in your stomach. You miss that feeling so much, and you want to feel it so bad, that no matter how good or bad that they are in bed, you are just feeling sooooo special. It's like you finally achieved that emotional connection, and everything is going to be so much better.
It kind of feels like the only time you may not feel empty and unloved, is during sex. I began to crave that feeling, I wanted that feeling. I wanted that feeling all the time. I wanted that emotional connection. Without it, I was lost.
It wasn't just during the fights that I felt like had not emotional connection with him, it was all the time.
People with BPD lacks empathy, I am not saying they are bad people or sociopaths. (They can be, but that's not what I'm talking about). They have so many of their own feelings going on constantly, they are not able to think of anothers feelings.
They want intimacy (not talking about sex here), but they fear intimacy. So they push you away, so that you can't hurt them, but yet they want you, so again they will push you away.
There is absolutely nothing you can do to get that out of that cycle.
It would take years and years of them working on themselves to stop this. Nothing you can do about it.
I just really wanted to help you get that last hook of his out of you.
I know I really needed to understand some things because you can not talk about things like this logically, and that can make you question yourself over and over.
I think you are doing just great. It hasn't been that long since you have gone through this and that message yesterday just really put a spin on things, and must have really brought back the hurt and pain. I know for me, to this day, it would bring back all that hurt and pain. I know I was mad as h#ll when I found out my ex had been cheating on me, and then moved in with her while we were going through the divorce. Now I only wish them well, for my own protection.
Take the time that you need. I know you have a friend who is a therapist, perhaps find a neutral therapist, (not saying friend is not a good therapist) it might be more beneficial to help you with the work you need to do for yourself, and not the constant validation. I know you need the validation also, I just think a neutral therapist is better to work on the "you" part.
Hey, and you always have us.
Now go dry those eyes, and realize how special you are.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
amy