I agree, you are not broken.
The alcohol keeps us in a very dark place. Only after abstinence for a while does the light come back.
This is a perfect time to quit, it's Spring and you can have a new life. Get out of the house. Find an activity you enjoy - walking, kayaking, tennis, bird watching, something that will get you out.
The abuse wasn't your fault, don't let it take up space in your life anymore. You cannot change the past. Move forward into healing.
Try joining the February Class in the Newcomers section - that is where people go who have chosen to stop drinking in February.
Welcome, we're glad you're here.