I am so sorry for you and all of your pain. Your head must be spinning.
You said " her life has no obstacles". That's not true. She has the worst kind of obstacle -- herself, a not-in-real-recovery alcoholic. She will be her own worst enemy until she begins to work a program.
Things will get better. Each day is a new opportunity to bring healing to yourself and your kids. My own progress has been slow, but steady. I think back to the person I was just 6 months ago, and I feel like I have taken back my life and sanity. Take care of yourself and give yourself a chance to grieve all of this.