Originally Posted by
alphaomega 
Yes, the anger has subsided.
Which I am eternally grateful for bc I don't do conflict. It really takes a toll on me. Some people seem to thrive in volatility. I just shrink to a blob of goo.
He has come clean about his usage and it's frequency. It was worse then we both even realized. He's a good man. A wonderful man. He's a gift and a blessing to everyone in his life. I'm his biggest fan. And his biggest cheerleader. He can do this. He deserves to know his potential. And those GD pills were sucking out every bit of life from him.
Every. Bit.
In answer to your question TOD, I was born addicted to alcohol. My mother was hungover from Martinis the night she delivered me. I screamed in the nursery for 3 days. But no one knew about fetal alcohol syndrome 45 years ago. So they just thought I was "fussy".
I don't exibhit the outward signs of it, but neurologically I'm kinda f Ed. I have always been a hot anxious mess. The booze worked to make me feel normal for a long long time.
Long story longer, i started drinking when I was about 4. I realized that whatever was in mommys cup was making her crazy. So I would hurry up and down it when she would stumble to the bathroom. I did that for years and years.
Then when I was 15 I found my sister dead so my alcoholism took off like gangbusters then.
My boyfriend at that time, is my husband of 20 years.
So no, he had never known me sober.
Nor have I.
OOOOOOOOOOOOh Lordy Lordy! You do have a messy history! Thank you for sharing your story! It helps to give more insight into what we here on SR can know more about what to say to you! The guessing game on ppl's reasons for coming to SR can get tricky!
I'm truly sorry for your loss of your sister at such an early age!
Isn't it interesting at how we at such young ages try to fix things? Or learn about things. My dad smoked. My mom didn't. My dad used those wooden match sticks. He'd leave the cigarette butts and match sticks in the ashtray. Mom would catch me sniffing the ends of them. Inhaling them is more like it. When mom was pregnant with me? She wanted to smoke soooo badly, but dad never let her. Hmmmmmm Could this be why I started smoking at the age of 13 and haven't stopped? I'll be 55 at the end of this week too.
Dad was the drinker and pill popper in my immediate family! Mom doesn't take anything! She's 75 now! I followed dad around like a little puppy too. Always watching him in everything he did. He was a jolly skinny man! He could do and fix anything. He retired as an electrician! Ppl were always coming over to stay hours with him to work on things or just to sit and visit. My Uncle at dad's funeral pointed at me and told my husband: "That's another
insert my dad's name right there!" My husband agreed 100% with him! LOL
I've been married four times and divorced three times! A ton of BF's in between them. As CleaninLI said above: It's damn hard going thru a divorce and starting over. I'm glad you've changed your mind on that status! We do some stupid things when we are angry. I don't like disruption or disputes either. I have several of them around here with my husband though. He's Italian and has that stubborn hard headed temper to go along with it. He also gets moody and sullen when I point out he's done wrong and don't try to blame it on me! He too is a wonderful person that everyone loves. But when he's got that pain pill stewing in his bloodstream? ARGH! I just want him to go to his barn until it's time to go to bed. I don't want any part of it!
I'm happy with where I'm at now! Negativity can be handled and dealt with in reasonable ways. But when trying to deal with it when someone isn't all there? In a fuzzy haze? Forget it! It just gets us both pisssed off at each other. Distance is what keeps peace around here.
TOD