The bigger problem here might be: I don't care about my life. I don't care if I live or die. I'm living like I will die soon and don't care anymore. I have a lot of potential and ambitions, but reality is such that I cannot live at least a hint of the live I want.
I think everyone has felt this way...on booze.
It took me more than a month but gradually my perspective shifted I began to believe in my self worth and I very much cared whether I loved or died.
There must be a little flicker of that in you already or you wouldn't be here asking for help.
I think I will have to ask for treatment Monday when I call my doc. But I won't. I already know that. I'm fairly certain I won't even call, as long as I stay sober.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. I hope you make the call
D