I think my children are just going to have to forgive me for a bit.
Wrong answer.
I usually try to be respectful in my posts, and I will try to be here as well...but I have to put it bluntly, for your sake.
How selfish of you.
I will only comment on the children because that's all I feel that I can have an actual opinion on but this statement above really irks me. Children are not something to be casual about...you cannot just shirk the duty you have to your children. They are #1 priority, even before yourself until they're grown and out of the house. I don't know how old they are, but it doesn't sound like they're 18+.
I grew up in a home where my mom denied pretty much any responsibility toward me, she denied me love and affection as well as safety. She was neglectful. She told me often "I don't have time for you." The statement I quoted above from you resonates with what she told me. Your case is not as extreme as mine was, my mom was a seriously screwed up lady, but still, there is a commonality here. I hate[d] my mom for how she treated me. She eventually abandoned me, took my sister with her, and left me to live with my heroin-addicted and abusive father alone. What kind of parent is that?
I don't know if your XAH is sober or not, but aren't you doing the same thing? Letting your kids off with this guy (or whoever, because clearly you don't know):
while I somehow figure out who is tending to my children in my absence
while you go fulfill your own desires?
Kids don't forget. They might forgive later on...but your behavior will not be forgotten, especially in a time as fragile as this one where their lives have not only been disrupted by crazy alcoholic behavior on account of their father, but also the divorce.
YOU have a responsibility to your children. I think it goes without saying...BE A GROWN UP because their father can't be.