Briar I think most of us started off very depressed and thinking of drinking. I know I sure as heck did.
I certainly wasn't sure I'd made the right choice by nailing my colours to the mast and publicly declaring my problem.
A part of me, a large part, just wanted recovery to go away so I could 'drink in peace'.
The problem was there was no peace in my drinking life. It was killing me, and destroying my life and those in it.
It's ok to feel nervous and unsure and self conscious. Just don't doubt that you're doing the best thing for yourself, Briar - you really are
D