Sitting in Vegas yesterday with my new boss and my new boss's boss.... my new boss says to me "oh... and __NEW BOSS's BOSS___ is your GUY when it comes to single malt recommendations"
This came after they were discussing various types of beers.
I heard my AV pipe up with pop-up thoughts "You NEED to drink with these guys... they're your BOSSES... obviously you won't be good enough if you say you don't drink".
During a presentation a guy references "The Irish and Australian sales teams" in a drinking reference. My AV goes "YOU'RE Irish.... ancestrally.... clearly you can handle drinking!!"
At a couple of intervals during the day, surrounded by the omnipresence of Vegas booze, my AV painted a subtle picture. No words... just a vague image of me, drinking with others.... 'enjoying' it.... 'partying'.....
But I recognized them all.... just my AV. Not reality. A grieving old little boy inside yearning for a 'good time' that is just an illusion. The wiring of an addicted brain firing off at habitual stimuli.
I'm not going to do it, because I can honestly say to myself that it never was worth it. That even if I did or could 'just have a few' - the best case scenario would simply be a clouded mind and too many calories. I am grateful for my body, my health, my clarity of mind, my improved focus, my reduced anxiety, my stronger sense of self worth, my ability to be honest and focused and hard working and to live with integrity.
This morning at the coffee shop I watched a 5am drunk stumbling back from an all nighter, probably still in blackout. I've been that guy too many times.... My AV wants me to be that guy.
I don't.
