Update
Thank you all so very much for your help and support during my breakdown last week. I've been posting on my class thread but not here. On Monday I had a friend come over and dump out my bottles. On Tuesday I started my first medically supervised withdrawal, which was very humbling. The doctor took me out of work for the week to recover, so I've had time to weigh my options. My friends and husband have come together to make a plan, and I'll be starting intensive outpatient soon. If that doesn't work, the next step will be 30 day inpatient.
I've attended LifeRing meetings most days this week and have some set for the weekend, which has been encouraging and supportive.
I am feeling very depressed and wanting to isolate, though my friends have kept me on close watch and try to make sure I'm alone as little as possible. I've really appreciated the attention and support they are giving me, but I'm thinking increasingly about drinking and am feeling very hopeless.
I keep feeling like I just want all this to pass and the attention to be off me so I can drink again.
I'm doing things around the house and getting rid of lots of stuff, trying to clear the place out and start over, and just keep my mind distracted.