The mess you've become.. that part really hit me. I felt that way too.... I remember a therapist telling me, " This disease is like a tornado. It kills everything in its wake." ugh. I believe this is why there is the saying, " One day at a time." That is literally the only way you can undo that mess and slowly unload the baggage you have accumulated from the time under that emotional abuse and tense home life. 1 day at a time.....