You are definitely going to come out the other end of this stronger and wiser. And, honestly, it is THE BEST thing you can do for your kids. How lucky that they will never remember what life was like living with this craziness?
We have all found ourselves in some varying amounts of insanity. What I see is you finally making the choices to protect yourself and your family. Some people wait years, or decades, to make the choices you are making.
Get a lawyer, get some support, and make a decision to have a happier future. It will be terribly sad, but I think the deception and emotional carnage of your situation is enough for one lifetime, don't you?
*hugs* I'm sorry again. It must feel like your whole world imploded. It gets better, over time.