Part of recovery is recognizing the insanity of where you have been. At the time it seemed "normal" to you, because it was your normal. As you grow in your recovery, you begin to recognize how unhealthy your relationship was and you learn from that and get to a place where you won't allow bad treatment to be tolerated again.
And we have a part in how we allowed ourselves to be treated, and our unhealthy actions and reactions at the time. When I look back at how I responded to my son's addiction, the enabling I did at the time thinking it was love, and how far down I allowed myself to be dragged, it seems like a bad dream. I would not do the same today. Recovery has taught me to look after myself, to respect myself, and to set boundaries on what I will tolerate and not tolerate in my life. Today I know better, so I will do better.
You sound in a pretty healthy place to me. Sure it takes time to see clearly how bad it was, but during that time you have done a lot of healing, grieving, and growing. Now you can learn to live again.
Hugs
Ann