Yep. I get it.
sure as hell doesn't make it easier though does it? I am focusing on me. I really am. Dinner was JUST dinner.
I spoke to my therapist about the reality of him getting well. I realize the statistics. I understand it is NOT going to happen.
it doesn't change my EMOTIONS, however. Which was what my thread was targeted at. I am lonely right now. I am sure he is counting on that. I am desperate for someone to help lighten my load...sorry guys but dv advocates, my therapist who is PAID to care, and my mom just don't cut it. That is the reality.
So, my resolve has not changed one bit. Yes, I AM vulnerable right now, absolutely. I am crumbling and have only Elmer glued myself together at this point, when what I need is super glue.
I don't know, I guess all I can say is...yep I agree with everyone and I truly am doing the best I can to stay true to myself, my kids, and AH. And when I say AH, I mean that in regards to saying what I mean and meaning what I say. I haven't promised him reconciliation or coming back to the house or anything. and with ALL that is going on and considering where I was a year ago... I feel like I AM making my stand. It may not be the way others would do it, but easy does it. Ya know?
thanks guys. I love all of you and I REALLY do listen to you and take in what you all say. I regard my SR friends above all else besides HP when it comes to addiction and abuse.