There is a great chinese proverb: "Fall down seven times, Get up Eight" As long as you get up, nothing to be ashamed of. It takes courage to get up. Congratulations on Day one. Today is Today. The past is the past. Many of us have been where you have been trust me. Until one day, we manage to stay up. Learn from the mistake but don't feel shame, an emotion that has nothing to do with the process, only to keep us in our vicious circles of self-destruction and self-hatred.