Terp,
I definitely feel where you are coming from. This has been the theme of my last few posts. I am moving towards a better acceptance of my feelings. It is such a struggle. I am reminded of something I was told in Al Anon about perfection. We have an expectation of perfection that, when gone unmet by others, causes resentment in us. The worse part is that we have the same expectation of perfection for ourselves and we are normal humans with flaws, we begin to resent ourselves. I made a bad call last week that cost me a job opportunity. I kicked myself and got angry and was thinking about how preoccupied I have been with recovery and if it wasn't for all this then I would have made a better choice- blah blah blah. The point is, I messed up. Simple and True. I am human. What is the point in resenting myself? My aunt has also pissed me off recently during one of her alcoholic rages...what's the point in carrying it...
I get overwhelmed thinking about recovering from 25 years of post alcoholic-mother trauma, but people on here keep telling me that it is babysteps...in fact in CODA, the leader mentioned that we should celebrate on babysteps, even if it is just cleaning the kitchen today- or partially cleaning- celebrate the positive and try to be grateful for the good...its tough for us ACAs to do, but lets try together
BIG HUGE HUGS!