aldo1981

So I have been sober since the middle of October 2014 and I am starting to really get my life back on track. I just wanted to get this part of my recovery recorded because it’s important that others understand that life can get better and even though it seems impossible it can. I hope whoever takes a few minutes to read this can take something from it just as much as I get from writing it.

When I look back at what I was like a few months ago I really can’t think how difficult it was dealing with the depression and anxiety but some how I got there.

I was in a mess struggling to come to terms that I was an alcoholic, I told myself that I wasn’t drinking everyday so I couldn’t be I never miss work and I only have a bottle of wine and beer a couple of times a week and on the weekend but the issue was much deeper than I knew.

I had my life built around drinking and smoking that was my treat I deserved it I was working hard and I earned it? What I failed to realise was it was making life so much more difficult I was miserable suffered mood swings and was only happy when I was drinking but near the end I wasn’t happy I was paranoid about life and everyone in it I was working 6 days a week up at 5am work home for 4 pm drinking as soon as I got home did things around the house to keep me busy again I had made myself believe I was doing no wrong as I was doing housework and cooking because I like to be kept busy.

I went to work one morning and had a lot to deal with and a hangover, I crashed and burned I got taken to hospital with chest pains and anxiety, the weeks that followed where not very nice I suffered heavily with the anxiety I suffered with mental issues, sleep, eating and basically every aspect of living I truly thought I was doomed.

I went to the doctors and was prescribed diazepam but I took one and freaked out so I never touched them again. I then got 20mgs to be taken daily of antidepressants to help with the anxiety and sleeping meds. I got hooked on the sleeping meds for 12 weeks and struggled to get off them but I did. The (AD) I still take but it’s a small dosage and its worth remembering when we start to feel better we should recognise the efforts we apply not just the meds we take.

I went on like this for weeks but I still never missed work I struggled every day but I hung in there I got a lot of support here on SR with good advice and basically just sharing my thoughts and feelings which I found really helped .

I tried therapy but it wasn’t for me at that point I was still in denial about my drinking in my head I had just gave up drinking for a while and would probably drink again in the future when I got my head sorted out.

I went 18 weeks sober and was starting to get things back in line I felt good and happy so I thought hey I will have a few drinks so I did 1 bottle of wine and 5 cans of beer
(BIG mistake) the old feelings came rushing back I felt really bad and it lasted for days.

I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me and then the penny dropped I was struggling when I wasn’t drinking because I had drank for so long it was part of me.
I came to the conclusion I was an alcoholic. In my head I had created a vision of what an alcoholic looked and acted like and placed myself poles apart from that type of person but I was wrong. The affects of drinking had left me venerable and unable to cope with life like a normal person I had lived in the shadows and put on a very good act in my life and career all of this was achieved by my drinking and now it was gone I was put out there to face it alone my old friend was gone and I felt alone.

I made the decision to accept my issues and admit to my close friends and people who I knew would understand that I had a problem. I attended my first AA meeting and suddenly I felt so much better I got talking to people who understood my issues and how I felt I no longer felt alone I was making new friends who wouldn’t harm me and gave me support that had no lasting negative affect.

I will be going to my 3rd meeting this week. I am doing one a week due to my other commitments in work and family but I will try to do more soon as I feel better about my life thanks to the people I have met and the stories I have heard

So if you have taken the time to read this thanks and I hope you can take something positive from it sorry it’s a bit long but it’s the truth.

In my previous posts I have written I was always thinking of things to end with that people would remember as a positive quote a friend here on SR commented on part of my post I said ( I want to live a sober life by choice not by effort )

So that’s it I want to live a sober life by choice not by effort and I intend on doing so. That is my words of wisdom so to any newcomer on here stay strong and don’t give up things will get better.

Take care everyone and thanks for your time,