To complete step 4, my sponsor suggested that I write my life story to find patterns in my behavior. IT was LOONG, but well worth it.
At step 5, my sponsor stated that since we were different gender, that I might want to find a male sponsor (VERY few males in my AL-Anon groups).
Without a sponsor, I turned to my counselor. I read my entire life story to him in our sessions. Not all of the sessions were the life story, but it was the bulk of sessions for several months.
I went to counseling before I went to AL-Anon. My counselor was the one that suggested AL-Anon. I do both things for my recovery. I need ALL of the help I can get.