Music

I was a young boy, having emotional experiences while with a group of people in a religious(church)surrounding. I didn't know what all the religion was about, but I still do remember the emotions I felt. I still remember my very first kindergarden teacher, Mrs. Pro. She was a little old lady at that time and just as nice as could be. Bill Cosby talks about her when he mentions taking naps when I don't want to, drinking curdley mild and eatting stail graham crackers. My parents made me attend church as a child and I didn't like it. However, I do remember a couple experiences.
When I reached my teen years, somehow I started to get cynical, sarcastic, and asked questions I knew nobody could answer, i.e. Where is God? Who is God? What does God look like? Prove there's a God. Of course, there was never the right answer. Today I believe spirituality is like starting a camp fire.(Maybe a feeble analogy). It all starts with a small bit of fire from a match, or a spark created some way. I believe we're all born with that spark. It's in there somewhere but unless I kindle it, and feed it, it'll never reach the intensity it takes to develope a spiritual way of life. I believe God was at work with me all during my drinking. Do I believe God could have stopped me from drinking early on? Sure? But He didn't! He had other plans for me. I had to drink every drop, do everything I did, hurt myself and the people around me, and reach the end before I got the desire to stop drinking and re-kindle that spark I know was always there. Even when I was drinking there were dark moonlit nights out at sea when all I could see were stars. I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face but I could see the stars. I remember thinking that there just has to be a God out there somewhere. Then, my ship hit another port and it was time to drink.
The Big Book says that our past is our greatest gift to the newcomer. I believe it's the greatest gift God gave me. My drinking is part of my life and I'm better off for it today. I wish I could take back the pain I've caused others but I can't. The way I am, if I could have taken back the pain, I probably would have caused more pain. My past is not only what I share with newcomers, but it also keeps me sober. I'm never without it.
I believe spirituality comes in two forms. My human spirit, which is me, my inner self, and the newfound God spirit in me, which enables me to recognize His grace in the gift of sobriety He gave me. Both forms have to be cultivated and re-kindled daily in order to keep them burning brightly.