AO - ah, that whole pill holding thing. Been there done that. I am sure that it is extremely annoying for the person holding the pills.
It sounds like he has a real struggle ahead of him. Again, I didn't want to make light of his addiction in any way, and my comments were solely in response to your question on how much he is taking. It doesn't really matter what his dose is compared to others if it is sucking the life out of him. Based on your description it sounds like he is there.
DG0409 makes a good point too. He might be taking much more than what he is telling you. Also, only dosing once a day seems odd after using for years.
I hope you are able to figure out where you want to go with the marriage and get to a point where you have peace of mind.