keep going to therapist and Al Anon Hummingbird.
Why is H the way he is? Is your marriage OK other than issues with son? How is your daughter in this? Is the drama at home taking a toll on her? You don't have to answer this, but there are ways relationships get impacted. Look up Karpman Drama Triangles... It might help you see that everyone is playing roles and even switching roles depending on what is happening.