Frustrated
I haven't posted in a long long time, but now I feel the need to. I've been sober for 9 months on the dot May 1st of this month. I drank daily and extremely heavily for 5 years. At first the euphoria of sobriety was almost too good to be true. The first six months went by relatively smoothly (of course I still want to drink all the time, my problems would only start if I had that first drink though). As of late, I'm angry. Angry at absolutely nothing. Pissed off at the world 90% of the time. The only thing I can do to escape it is to drink. That's all I new for 5 years, and those 5 years were suppost to be the hardest of my life, though I was numb I didn't feel anything. I'm also on 30 mg of Paxil, which helps some, but no pill is ever the solution. Why am I so angry, lost, and frustrated? Just completley aggrevated at nothing at all. I just think back of when I felt like that, I would escape in a bottle, downing anywhere from a 750ml to a 1L of vodka or whiskey in a day. Everytime I want to reach for the bottle I just think of the awful withdrawals I went through, the ER visit, and the detox. But too often the constant broken record playing in my head NEVER stops. I feel like I'm barely holding onto sobriety..........