phoenixbot

I found out last night that my SO has been unfaithful to me for quite some time--over the course of two years. Now it's lunchtime and Day 1 is starting to feel very difficult but I'm trying to stay positive and sober and fight the anxiety.

I'd been suspicious all along, but only confronted him yesterday. I'd just had enough of it. I felt like about a month ago I was FINALLY pulling my life together. I was going to AA meetings and reconnecting with friends and family and even got a bunch of interviews and a part-time job. I've been "ready" to quit drinking before, but this felt so different. I was being pro-active about my sobriety and my life. I had hoped that because things were on the up the cheating would stop. It seemed like everything else was falling into place with sobriety, why not that?

Then a day came when I knew my SO was unfaithful, and I started drinking in a split-second of weakness. It seemed like I had brought the cheating on myself and what good was trying so hard when my life would still be full of lies...

That lasted about a week. I feel better, in some respect, for finding the will to confront him, and I'm back on day 1 of sobriety. But I'm just so disappointed in myself for relapsing and losing my job and pretending that my SO had that kind of power over MY sobriety. And I'm so ANGRY. I just wanted all the lying--from both of us--to stop. It's so hurtful to know that the person who I thought was supporting me has been sneaking around for two years. Who's left to believe in me? I guess I need to work on believing in myself...

Sorry for the rant--I'm a little shaky and can't make it to a meeting today. So thanks for listening!