Terp you sound like you're having good realizations about your situation AND starting to help yourself get out of a place where you've been stuck for a long time. Pat yourself on the back.
I had to laugh when you wrote that your AH complained about not knowing what your plans are; my AH said the same thing to me today when I mentioned that I signed up for a meditation class (without consulting him first--horrors). My reaction was like yours--does it really matter what my plans are? In my case, he's rarely home, and i have the childcare figured out so . . . as you said, they are MY plans.