being sober is clearly a better choice for me. but is this the life I've always wanted? no not really I have yet to find that nirvana and probably never will. Just when I grasp something I'm after and enjoy it a while there tends to be something else I want to go after or some other thing about my life I'd like to tweek. I'll never be finished.
Since I got sober I've spent a lot of time repairing things in my life. I do think if I tie of a few more the last loose ends however I might find some more contentment. I've made a ton of progress however.