Moderation - or rather, attempting moderation - was torture for me.
I don't want one drink. I want the buzz. Then I want to keep it going. One or two drinks are pointless.
It is far easier to do total abstinence. Plus I'm healthy and feel great, no more internal struggle. I think you are saying the same thing, that the obsession is in you and the inner conflict is eating at you.
Total abstinence - forever - is the answer for us.