Welcome, glad you're here!
We get free/win by surrendering to the fact we cannot drink normally. Acceptance we have a problem is the starting point. If we cannot accept this simple fact, we are destined to repeat the same mistakes regardless of how hard we try.
Once we have gained acceptance, we have to accept a solution. There are many choices - But the main thing is to have a plan and do not waver from it.
It helped me a lot to read others stories they post at one year or more of sobriety. You make find some you can identify with.......
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Keep coming back!