I think it very annoying that I still have to ask myself these questions. I am feeling stuck on some level. It is like I know, I go on, but still there's that part of me that longs to figure it out, to fix it, to make it all right.
Maybe my conversation with that fellow got my wheels turning again. He asked me these questions as though I were divorcing a sane person who I could actually work with, talk to, make sense of.
People think if I don't work things out with xah, maybe there is something mean and vindictive in me. But there is no having a conversation with xah, no ability to reason or process with or even figure out. And that is hard for anyone to fathom.