It isn't a matter of "cutting you slack"--I'm not suggesting for a second that you will get over this instantly. I'm only saying that the answers to the SAME QUESTION are not going to change. Nobody is going to give you a magic answer that will somehow make all of this make sense.
I'm concerned that you don't seem to be taking any steps to move forward. At least, not that you've shared here. Have you been going to Al-Anon? Started a project around the house you've been putting off? Seen a good movie? Read a good book (self-help or just for entertainment)? What are you doing for YOU?