Mrrecovery: Thank you for your advice. Unfortunately, I am ashamed to admit that last night I relapsed. I fear I am not really ready to quit. It sounds good, its what everyone wants for me but I don't have the willpower to do so yet. I want to be sober when its easy but when it starts getting hard/uncomfortable I run back to what I am used to. Opiates (pain pills, heroin) have controlled my life for the last 7 years and I am tired of it but I can't give them up. That has been my sanity for so long it scares me to think of how I will be when I don't have them...
That sounds sick and horrible. I guess I haven't hit my rock bottom yet but I don't want to have to. I have got a lot to figure out for myself...