Hey Dreamer,
Being a first time recovering addict, I can tell you I was pretty much where you are 2 weeks ago. I also haven't' had the courage to engage any type of meeting or program. But I'm 3 weeks out, and am so much better for it. Even though I suffer from extreme anxiety.
My answer to your question is, how badly do you need to open up?
I know that During my week 1 - week 2 a hell of a lot of **** came to the surface personally. If you have things you need to talk about - reasons that you use, ESPECIALLY if you want someone, ANYONE to understand why you were doing what you were doing, then talk to someone. At a meeting, via a phone service, at least on here.
I can tell you that every time I've opened up to or engaged people, (brother, father) it has helped, but I feel like they see me as a problem. Meetings would probably be a good idea for me, yet I lack the conviction of actually attending. So I'm in the same boat, however I accept I need to go, just don't.
I am feeling you want to go, but are scared. So my advice is to convince yourself to give it a try. Think of the positives. Just being able to
I advise that YOU decide if your mother attends, if you know you won't open up when she's there, my opinion is that this is part of your recovery Mom shouldn't be a part of. Hell, when I admit the terrible things I've done to a group of people, there's no way in HELL, ANYONE I know will be there. Lol.
5 Days is great. What else are you struggling with?