To twelve step or not to twelve step?
Hello. I have been an alcoholic for many years and have had brief stints of sobriety on and off over the years. Whenever I had quit in the past I went to AA meetings. I did what I was supposed to do, thirty meeting in thirty days, had a sponsor, hung out with sober people, started working the steps, read the big book every night etc. The last time I quit I got my thirty day coin and was feeling really good about they way things were going.
The next day I was driving home from work and without arguing with myself I just stopped at the liquor store. It was like a huge weight was lifted since I didn't have to devote so much time and energy to simply not drinking. Then the guilt and depression returned. I walked in and bought some beer and went home and drank. I have been drinking every day since and that was over a year ago. I have read stories here and other sites like SR of people having great success with twelve step programs and some people think there a better alternatives. Some people say I would have stayed sober if I really wanted it bad enough, the thing is I really do want to quit drinking but I always go back to the same routine.
I understand that I need to deal with the reasons I self-medicate every day or I will never get sober. Does anyone have any experience with any alternative programs?