Good Morning friends,
The reality of all this is hitting this morning and I'm feeling ......well I'll be honest. Pure honesty- I wish I could take it all back.
I wish he was here.
Don't get me wrong- I understand that this is unhealthy thinking.
I am at the point where I know the difference between what I WANT to do or have happen and what NEEDS to happen. So I'm not going back on this whole deal.
I'm just saying what I am feeling. I'm still following through on everything. I probably will not go to the ER...only because I have an ass load of homework and I'm running out of time. I'll be ok. And I think I have enough documentation to make my point anyway. Plus, it's the beginning of the year, so I have my deductible to meet and I don't want the large expense right now.
I'm taking my oldest daughter on her first date today. I'll drop her off at her boyfriends house and she'll hang out for several hours. Then I'll pick her up. It's kind of a pain in the ass today because this kids house is like 40 miles away... so I'll just have to hang out in town for a while. I think I'll just go park somewhere and do homework.
Grandma and grandpa said they would waive my mortgage while I was in school but ONLY if AH wasn't in the house. If I let him back in, the payments resume again. That would be really helpful. I'm so blessed to have my grandparents. They have been so great through all this.
I feel just really sad today. I mean, I KNEW that he was going to have to go. But I was just praying for a peaceful separation. Of course, that would mean trying to reason with an unreasonable man. So that was just a dream.
I wish he could realize how much his family loves him. How torn up everyone is about this and how much we just wanted him to get healthy.
Oh well. Brighter days are ahead.....just gotta wait the storm out.
I stayed up until almost 1 am with my 12 year old daughter talking about him. How much we loved him, how much we hated him, and how sad we are. She is so mature and wise beyond her years.
Well my 14 year old daughter is staring at me......waiting for me to get ready to go to town. I suppose I better get my butt out of bed and get my homework packed up.
Thanks a million everyone. Things will get better. I know they will.
I really think there has GOT to be some mental illness with this dude. I really do.