sweetie, we ALL to some degree, build our partners up to be at least a bit more than what they really are. same with our children.....OUR child is the most perfect wonderful human ever born to the planet. a lot of that is just love.....we look for the good.
and sometimes, that "admiration" can blind us. we WANT Them to be wonderful, hell we NEED them to be wonderful.....because if we look too closely at the truth that accompanies addiction and/or abuse, then we have to look at OURSELVES. and if we look at ourselves, we have WORK to do.
so we focus on trying to fix THEM....if THEY get better, WE get better, right?
we can't fix them....never could. but we CAN fix ourselves. change, grow, gain new understanding.