Thanks sober wolf, sorry that reply was for strategery. But i appreciate hearing that it evens out, i just dont want to feel like this anymore. Im not happy, i hve my moments but they are far and few between. I feel like such a fake. I know it is the right thing to do for my kids. And i know this is really selfish, but I AM SELFISH apparently, which i never really took much note of when i was drinking, but i wonder "well wat about me? " Yea me being sober is good for everyone around me, but for me...i dont know.