I'm sorry for your loss.
Life can often put us in the firing line before we're really ready for it.
Thats why it's so so important to have a strategy planned for days like these.
Have a support group and use it. Talk through your problems issues and grief with others, run, bike, scream, shout...do anything but drink.
You slipped - but you can get up again Gonzo. You can do this
D