Thank you all, I will def pray more and do more meetings. I keep reading here that meetings really helped the most. I will try to do more with the kids also and be kinder to myself.
I was doing fine, I prayed, thought about good things, went to sleep with a thought of what I can do to work on myself more. I heard a noise from my phone, an email came. I thought, well, maybe its work? I checked it out - its from my bank (well, my old bank, as i got my own account in a different bank now, but still maintain a join account with AH. This is because his paycheck should come through and I am supposed to transfer it to pay his bills). So, an email said that this account fell below $25. There was about $30 there, rehab said he doesn't need any money unless he needs to buy extra stuff then the card will be charged. On a way from detox to rehab he said they gave him the card and he bough cigarets on the way. Anyway, its late, why is his bank account goes below now? So I log in, and see 2 charges from Walmart supermart in Florida for like $9 something each. My heart starts pumping, I am freaking out, serenity gone, all that work on myself that I did today gone. Why is he in Walmart (and I looked of course because I am such a CIA agent, how far this walmart is from rehab, well its like 20 minutes). So why is his card being used in freaking walmart? I start thinking the worst. He left. He sneaked out and went to Walmart? How did he get there, are they allowed to leave like that from inpatient? I don't know, I have never been in inpatient. I hate this. Said serenity prayer like 10 times. I guess I will call and find out if he left. I don't know if I should ask about if they are allowed to leave and why he is in walmart? Or should i not say anything? Do I sound crazy? I feel like if I ask I might get him 'in trouble', but on the other hand, if he is causing trouble and doing something against the rules then, well, he is not recovering. Or is it non of my business?
This is what I hate the most. Everything is fine and then some stupid email turns my whole world upside down.