How do you guys do it?
For me, there was a
A-HA!! moment towards the end of the relationship with my AXGF, and in happened in Al Anon. As I listened to different members talk about their experiences with their qualifier, the root message common to all of those stories, and my own, was it didn't matter what we did or didn't do for the addict. The addict was going to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. And it was an incredibly liberating sort of realization, the fact that powerlessness can be a good thing.
All of us, in one form or another, have bent over backwards to try to "help" the addict. And all that has ever accomplished is driving ourselves nuts. So, if it doesn't matter what we do or don't do for the addict since they're going to do what they want, when they want, then why drive ourselves nuts when we don't have to?
Mind you, that sort of detachment doesn't mean you stop caring about that person. It just means that we accept they are what they are, and it frees us up to concentrate on doing the things we need to do to be healthy.
From the sounds of that, glitter, you're already doing a lot of that. Working out is good, but maybe you can crank up the intensity a bit. Maybe you and the kids can take a day trip somewhere on the weekend. Maybe you guys can go somewhere to eat you haven't been to in a while.
Your thoughts are your thoughts, and you're going to think about him. Just accept it, and deal with it as best you can.