emmireu

Hi Everyone,

I have been reading the posts for a few weeks without adding anything. It's been hard seeing how similar our situations are and how we are all coping with letting go. My emotions range from really low to where I feel like I am treading water....not where I want to be. Still going through the emotions and processing everything.

To recap: I left my opiate addict bf of 6 years in November. We lived together and even though we fought about this drug addiction, I love him very much.

I moved across the country to the East Coast to my family and support system. Joined Al Alon, CoDA, and found a therapist. And joined this group! SR has been incredible to fill in the holes and the advice has been great comfort when I feel overcome with anxiety and sadness. I also got a new number that was given to his best friend only. I know these are GREAT steps, but I am too numb to really embrace it.

I have felt some serious anger towards him: I had to uproot and move, his family was vicious to me, I am starting over from scratch. Real RAGE! And anger at myself: Accepting responsibility for my decisions, accepting my role as an enabler and codependent partner and trying to understand everything.

I Did not hear from bf for weeks and then found out he was in rehab. I was so proud of him and prayed that he would take it seriously and focus on himself and heal. I was also hurt that he or his family did not let me know he was safe. And was weeks went on, I was sad I had not heard from him. No email or anything. I have pushed forward and have listened to everyone: I have to focus on me and he must focus on him. It's been over a month since I have heard from him or anything about him. Which is real time, is nothing.

I found out today from his best friend that my bf left his sober living and no one knows where he is. I am sad for him, but so numb about everything. I am not sure how I feel. I did not speak to him at all while he detoxed and was in rehab. I don't even understand what sober living does or why he would leave without telling anyone. My understanding is that it is a transitional place to go before entering "real life"

I don't know even if I am part of his life anymore and if I should even care.

I don't know what I am looking for from our community here, but I want these feelings out in the universe and not on a repeating loop in my head.