TerpGal

Since I made the decision to separate from RAH until I can get my head together, I have had an overwhelming sense of peace. I'm not worried about tomorrow, not worried about what's going to happen 3 months from now or a year from now. I just am. For the last 5 months I have been fighting against my gut that this is the right thing to do, letting anger and the "what its" overwhelm me. I know what I'm going to do now. I have a plan. Taking action has made me feel more in control rather than a helpless victim.

I'm not saying it won't be hard when the time actually comes. I know I will be sad. I love RAH. Deep down he is a good man and I'm seeing it more. We seriously discussed it last night. After some quacking on his part, when he realized I was serious, he seemed to accept it. Even told me he had actually been expecting this for a while. Did I get into the old defensiclve "guilt" drive, yep I did. For a second. Until I realized that this is not about him. It's about me and what I need.

Right now I'm not so much worried about the physical act of leaving. It's not happening today or tomorrow even. I will ask for your prayers and support when the time comes, that I can stay strong.

I have my BFF who is behind me in my cheering section. She's the only one whao has known it all since the beginning and unlike so many people IRL she is HAPPY for me. That I am standing up for myself for a change. I am actually kind of excited. To just BE independent and have no one else to worry about other than myself for a change. Details with my parents still need to be ironed out. My dad can be a bit unreasonable at times and is himself an active A but through they years of his drinking, he has never once turned his back on his children and I am so grateful for that.