Originally Posted by Lenina

I don't recall ever feeling irked. Nor did I ever think it was a goof. The Addictive Voice in full cry is way too familiar to me. I am not as smart or talented as Cow nor as creative. But I've been battling the Beast (feelings) and the Addictive Voice for many, many years. I recognize it all too well.

I never got as deep in the crap as some here have; perhaps that is blessing of limited intellect. Or that my substance of choice was alcohol. I used my substance to pass out as that was my Deep Pleasure. I never enjoyed over stimulation. I didn't need a busy signal to distract me when the passing out was much easier! LOL Plus I have very unpleasant reactions to most pharmaceuticals.

I am satisfied with contentment. I don't believe happiness is a sustainable emotion. Oh, I can be happy for others. I love seeing other people rejoice in their successes!

What drives me is probably Fear. I don't want to do any more damage to my body or to my soul. In the beginning I didn't much believe in a soul. Today for whatever reasons, I worry there may be an afterlife for my spark or soul, if you will. I don't believe energy dies out. It may just transmogrify for all I know! I just don't want to come back again in any form! I want to be done!

I've heard if one doesn't deal with addiction in this life, you will have it in the next! Pretty humorous to contemplate, if you think about it.

So, that's where I am. Just tying to do the Next Right Thing. Moving forward. Helping where I can, doing my bit for World Peace and knowing that maybe the only peace I can find here is the peace in my own soul.

Or maybe I'm just having a wank.

Love from Lenina