Oh ladies! I just broke up with my abf about two weeks ago, haven't spoken over the phone since the 14th? And I haven't seen him since just after Christmas....
I do NOT plan on dating again for a VERY loooooong time! Reason being is NOT because my heart still hurts over my ex and I am still grieving (which, my heart still hurts immensely and I most definitely am still grieving), but the MAIN reason is this: I am a codie. I fill up my voids with some weird delusion of being in love... having a man to fill a void... feeling like I can't do life on my own and so I need a partner... addiction to love... and so on and so on...
It's not that I haven't taken long periods of time for myself before after a break-up, but during the times when I healthfully made a conscious effort to be "alone", I did NOTHING to work on myself. And the other times after break-ups, I lept right into another man's arms, or back into my narcissist's arms (6/7 years of that crud!), or into empty beds with warm bodies...
THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT! I am determined to get it right this time. I have to be alone? Really? YES! I don't get a partner to do all of life's stuff with? NOPE. And I don't think this a final judgment or situation for myself, but I do think that I NEED to accept that. No more desperation. No more holes and voids in my soul. I am enough. And dag-nabitt, I will figure how to live by myself without trying to lose myself in a relationship.
Still, my abf is due home any day now from his "vacation" and has "vowed" to seek treatment of some sort when he gets back. In the back of my mind I imagine how wonderful it would be if he indeed did. But that's a whole year of no bf anyway, IF he does go get sober... And probably longer than that considering he has never tackled sobriety before. I am totally nervous about his return and I fear I will cave, though I have no intention of doing that. Either way, my plan is to be single for a very long time. I can flirt like crazy... But single is my objective. Good luck ladies! Your hearts will heal...