Just when you think you've healed
Broke up with my alcoholic ex-boyfriend 4 weeks ago. Last week, met a guy who is really nice and sweet and has his life together. We had both shared a very brief summary of our last relationship (he is recently divorced). We were supposed to get together Sunday, but I was sick, so he brought me homemade chicken soup. Yesterday he wanted to cook me the dinner he'd planned for Sunday, so I went over to his place. He cooked, so when we finished dinner I told him I'd do the dishes. There was water running and the dishwasher was clanging open, so when he said, "Ok, well if you want to do dishes then I'm not going to b----" all I caught was the last word. I knew that whatever he had said was accompanied by a smile, so he clearly wasn't directing the word AT me, but all I heard in my head were the words from my ex's last text to me, calling me a stupid b----. Somehow, I couldn't change the context of those words and they rang in my head for a few minutes. Later we were sitting on the couch kissing and he was joking about how women seem to fall for the wrong kind of guys. All of a sudden, it just triggered something inside me and I lost it. I could feel the isolation I felt when things were bad and I wanted to tell someone, but I couldn't because I was so embarrassed and didn't everyone to hate him or think I was weak. I could feel how badly I wanted to end it, but felt like I couldn't and how when I finally did it was as unpleasant as I'd worried about. All of a sudden I'm sitting there in a flood of tears and I can't even explain to him why because honestly I can barely understand it myself.
Poor guy, I don't think he knows what he's getting into. I honestly had no idea I still had that much emotion buried in me.