SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Diary of a Mad Cow, Part X: "The Adventures of Sober Cow"

01-26-2015, 11:54 PM

# 382 (permalink)

Woe is Moo.

Join Date: Aug 2013

Posts: 2,746

Hawks, yesterday I talk to new AA group as whole, and then plus also with several member after meeting about realities of my addiction cycle. I was total honest with them even though they not entire understand me. And I total honest with several friend in person who is addicts, and with therapist. So I not know what you mean about be more honest in person. I think I making steps toward direction of honesty. Since you equate me twice to woman who talk too much at meeting, is you maybe think I should stop my with my endless diary on SR? Just come out and say it, man. Cow can take it ...although once my Borg super powers in place, I total will smite you ass.

Bunny, I intellectualize "fear." When it immediate fear, like "Is I gonna ride down Hill of Death or not," then is quick flurry of mental conversations. Otherwise, is always apathy, for instance, I was tell to get endoscopy in October for inflammation/infection of liver/stomach/pancreas, but I has yet to do it. I also ignoring MRI for neuropathy, and I not get ovaries out despite 4 generation family history of ovarian cancers and doctor advice to do so many year ago.

I does lot of thing that would be consider risky without concern to get caught. Including illegal thing. Including "immoral" thing that you guys, I sure, would, and has, feel disgust for. I not sure what I afraid of. I sure is something. I always had say, I afraid to die without ever have live. But, this also intellectual revery and not seem to cause me to change anything.

Okay, let end with something good. I go over to friend house today to feed doggie while she out of town and as usual doggie freak out and not happy to see me. So, I get down on floor and make cute with doggie. Despite her prolong protestations, she start to tolerate me. So I pick up doggie up and we watch tennis together while I scrathes her belly. At some point doggie surrender to pleasure of my scratchings and then cat come up and take nap on my legs. I give them both treats before I leave. And so, I was of service today.