thanks for all the advice...ive started going back to naranon. Feels good to go back and be around other people who get it.
as crazy as it sounds i could probably deal with the using if she was going to get help and could admit that there was a problem. she still refuses to admit that. what i have a tough time dealing with is the alternate life that was going on. i just have to think i guess that at least she was with me to be the positive part of the alternate life. i was the one who she was going to have the family and white picket fence with. i feel so sad for her and i guess at the same time it makes me crazy. her sickness is pouring onto me...an i know im allowing it. at this point its been 4-5 long years of this and its all i know. i have to get my brain back to thinking that this isnt normal and not everyone has to deal with this. before i started dating her i would never think to look into someone else's belongings or check up on where they were. i was the least possessive guy possible. this crazy lifestyle has definitely taken its toll mentally. one day at a time i guess