you know its funny because for the longest time ive been fine with everything. i wasn't checking up on things, looking though purses or any of that other crazy ****. for some reason this trip back home and her coming back over to my house high....i just slipped up and went back into that nuts mode and then when i found out the whole deal it brought me right back to where i was 19 months ago. and yes i do know its crazy to be doing all that stuff. thats not what a normal relationship is made of.
19 months is when i first came here. i had been dealing with that for about another 2 years before that. Its been such a long road and ive invested sot much energy and love and none of it has made a difference. its like we have gone back to the beginning and nothing has changed. ive broken up with her countless times and not talked for months on end only to get back together because we thought things were going to be different. the disappoint just feels like a huge weight on me. and i know its not my fault, i haven't been the one putting dope before everyone else. it just suck to see how everything turned out. all i keep picturing in my mind was the pics ive seen of her a a smiling little kid. its sad how her life is turning out.