You nailed it with your last comment katchie. He isn't ready to put in the hard work. I thought that was pretty damn awesome of you to tell that retreat guy about the REAL beast inside your H.
I would feel manipulated too. My RAH likes to do the same thing in discussions...as in twisting the conversation around to almost make me feel like he is blaming me. It really ticks me off.
I don't think you should feel obligated to write a love letter. I didn't want to do the "circle of death" thing for H rehab. Luckily I didn't end up being asked to do it anyway. Writing a LOVE letter RIGHT NOW in the place you are in your life would be like scratching nails over a chalkboard, imo. I could think of a few OTHER types of letters that would be more fitting....
hugs!!!!