The last few weeks since that incident have been a mix of crazy, anger, & sadness. She came clean over the weekend after the incident happened. said that she came home and found stuff in her clothes when she was packing up and decided to get high. i was pretty upset but at least a little relieved that she came clean.
The following weekend i start getting that spidey sense that something is wrong and go through her purse while she's in the shower. In it i find two dope bags. One top and one that looked like it had been torn opened and scrapped. I try not to get to upset and calmly tell her she need to go and i take her home. Of course she denies it and says that it was from before and she didnt know where to throw it out. Now i know that its total BS but damn is she convincing.
The following week goes by and one night i get a call from her mom asking is exagf with you? I say no and then the mom tells me that she had been told that exagf was gong to my house to stay over and that she saw her driving away in the guys car that she had been having a relationship and doing dope with about a year and a half ago. Im totally floored by this. Im in shock that this guy is still in the picture. I start sending him msgs and her msgs about what a ***** she is and how ****** up it is that she would do this to me. that night she proceeds to ask me if Im crazy and that she didn't leave in the car we thought she did and how im sick calling her all those names (i called her a lot of the generic names that a SO would call the other one if they caught them cheating).
The next day rolls around and now im talking to this guy about how he thought that she's been in a relationship with him and he's been doing dope with her the whole time and i proceed to send these msgs to her mom and grandma. I don't want to hear anymore that im a liar and crazy. i think that they should all know the truth about what she's doing. She's sick in the head. come to find out i saw all of her FB msgs to him and she's been telling him how much she loves him and that he should send her dope and she cant wait to get high. So really this whole trip back up here(while ok she wanted to get her stuff) was a big rouse to get high.
Now she's cant go back to Florida and she's stuck up here. And now im stuck feeling like **** after the cloud of anger is gone feeling like i shouldn't have sent out those msgs because now she cant go back down there. and im thinking that its going to be my fault if she cant get into a treatment center or anything. Her insurance wont cover it anymore i think and her mom cant afford to pay outright. i don't want her to be mad at me but at the same time i must be nuts for even caring. and of course she's blaming her mom and i for all the problems she has now.
i just feel really hopeless for her and sad to think that that is the life she chose over the life that we could have had together. i know i shouldn't be thinking any of its my fault but i cant help to think i should be trying to fix it by calling the gma and asking for help for her.
addiction is so ******* horrible. it takes away the person you think you know and replaces them with a monster. idk....just wanted to vent