I wants to live too, Hawks. Or maybe, I wants to wants to live. It a dream of mine. I not would call what I doing living, not in any pleasant sense of word. (But just so you freaking knows Lenina, even if I live, I gonna live in greasy hair and sweats, bitch!) Excuse me, that had to be said. Anyways, I glad something change and you life start to blossom. Sometime I think I feel that, but next moment or next day, is gone again in cruel ether of depressions or anhedonia. I think for me, is not gonna be revelation type moment, and then path change! I think I gonna has to really slog it out.
I know what you means about crazy determination of the drunk. One time I puke guts out in club bathroom, then go right back to bar for next drink. Bartender know me and is like, shht girl, come on, you got vomit chunks in you hair! I not gonna serve you! Lord has mercy.